


Can't Change

by tonystarking



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Friendship, Gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-30
Updated: 2014-12-30
Packaged: 2018-03-04 09:29:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3062693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tonystarking/pseuds/tonystarking
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fill for a prompt: Lesbian Inquisitor talks with Dorian about her sexuality after Dorian meets his father. He is the first person to whom she has admitted that she is gay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can't Change

It was strange how seeing the elder Pavus, with his furrowed, concerned brows and slightly downcast lips, reminded the Inquisitor of her own father. They looked nothing alike, truly, but disappointment marked them in the same way.

Dorian's admission had burned in her chest, the fire threatening to claw up her throat into her mouth. She swallowed to choke the words down; this was about Dorian, not her and the secret she had hidden in the pit of her stomach for so long.

She could have whispered it. Could have at least turned to Dorian and said, "There's nothing wrong with you, just like there's nothing wrong with me." But she hadn't. She couldn't, not with the party surrounding them, eyes on her full of scrutiny, needing the perfect Inquisitor to lead them.

She was weak where Dorian was strong. He was brave, so very, very brave, and she wanted to be brave, too.

"Darling, whatever could have you looking like Leliana when she's the last to hear gossip?" There was concern there, beneath his amusement. Her feet had taken her right to the library, the traitors. Dorian closed his book. "Is this about my father?"

"Yes," she said. "Sort of." Dorian had taken the chair, so she settled right on the floor among piles of dusty tomes. Her legs were shaking, threatening to abandon her like she felt her sanity had.

Her tongue was too large for her mouth.

"Please tell me you haven't come to admit your love for me," Dorian said, never at a loss for words. "I feel that, in light of recent events, you should realize how foolish that would be."

She tried to laugh, but could only manage the imperceptible shake of her head.

"I'm gay."

For once, Dorian was silent. His eyebrows shot halfway up his forehead.

"I'm gay, and I haven't told anyone--not anyone here at the Inquisition--because... because..." She wasn't ashamed of who she was, but she vividly remembered the look of disappointment on her father's face, the look of disgust on her mother's, how the rest of her family recoiled as if she was a blood mage.

She remembered playing with one of the servant girls as a child, braiding her hair and holding her hand, and how those play sessions had turned to gentle kisses. How she knew that this was right in the world and that she loved that girl. Her mother, when she found out, dismissed the girl's family from their service and told the small girl who would later become the Inquisitor that it was just a mistake, just a phase. She would grow out of it, her mother said.

But she never did.

And when she saw Josephine. Maker, she had never seen a more beautiful, intelligent woman.

"I haven't told anyone because of my family."

"Well, I can hardly be the first to cast a stone on that front!" Dorian exclaimed. She dared to meet his eyes and saw that he was smiling, sitting just at the edge of his seat as if debating whether to touch her or keep his distance.

"When I told my family, they all pulled away from me. I thought going to the Conclave would be a good time to... get away from them." She dropped her eyes.

"The fools aren't worthy of you!" There was no doubt in Dorian's face.

"I could say the same to you, about your father." She forced a smile. How freeing it was, to admit this aloud. To find a friend who wouldn't shy away as her parents had, as those who claimed to support family 'through anything' had turned away from her when she had only told them the truth about her.

"Well they probably feel like tits now, treating the Inquisitor with such disrespect."

She barked a laugh. Her parents had indeed tried to contact the Inquisition to make amends with her, but she had ignored the letters. She wouldn't be coming home any time soon, not just because of her busy schedule but because she wasn't sure she wanted to forgive. Not yet.

"To them, I'll always be just their daughter, regardless of this Herald nonsense," she said.

"You're an incredible woman," Dorian said.

Throughout it all, she hadn't thought she would cry, but that threatened tears from her eyes. "And you are so brave, Dorian," she said. "You inspired me. I don't want to hide parts of myself, not from anyone. Certainly not from you."

Dorian slid to the floor and wrapped his arms around her. Held tightly to his chest, the Inquisitor closed her eyes. "You don't need your family's approval to become the greatest woman in Thedas--you already are," he said.

"It's hard not to have them support me," she admitted.

"Of course," Dorian allowed. "But that is why we can make our own family."

The Inquisitor wrapped her arms around Dorian and hugged him in return. Anyone in passing might mistake this for a romantic moment, but the two of them knew better.

It was more than romance; it was love, pure and accepting. And the Inquisitor thought, briefly, how she might just learn to love herself.


End file.
